"Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?"
Am finally home. This is bittersweet, glad to be back but also sad, the house is filled with memories of what had been and what was to come, plans sketched out that will never be fulfilled. I keep catching myself thinking about mothers day gifts and ringing for a chat, each time the shock is bracing, cuts through me like ice. I went shopping earlier, it seems crazy that the whole world is carrying on whilst mine has fallen apart so irretrievably.

Emotions spiral between hope and hopelessness. Waking, I had a sense of loss so profound it brought tears to my eyes. Keeping busy blocks the pain away but the realist in me knows I have to face up to things to move forward. Tears catch me when I least expect them, I cannot believe that I will never see her again, never talk to her, hug her, tell her I love her and have her hear it. The whole thing forces me to question whether I believe in death, life, souls, spirits and whether I think I will ever see her again in the future. All there is is hope.